DadCAMP - Latest Comments

Re: Breast Is Best, But ..

RookieMommy — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 09:37:29 -0000

Please don't tar all the Mommy Bloggers with the same brush. We're not all condemning the formula companies, cheering about beetles in formula and thrusting our breasts in your face. I am actually sitting here writing my next blog post on the very same subject as the recent battleground on blogs and twitter has appalled me (well, I should be, but I've been distracted by Twitter again). Why can't we just agree that breastfeeding is great and if it doesn't work out, or if it's not for you for WHATEVER reason, formula is also great? All moms should have the right to CHOOSE how they feed their baby and not be judged on their choice.
By the way, your wife is a hero without a doubt for pumping for 6 months. Breastfeeding is a highly efficient way to feed your baby, pumping and feeding the baby is certainly not. I admire her dedication.

Re: Raising Free-Thinking Kids

Ac_am — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 22:02:01 -0000

I agree with you, Derek. I grew up in a suburban Vancouver, Roman Catholic family, but my parents were never pushy about the subject of religion, they let me make my own decisions from a young age, including whether or not I had wanted to go to church or not, and I attribute the fact that my parents, despite being somewhat religious, also being quite progressive and still believed that religion had no place in society outside of the home and church, to me becoming a more aware and open-minded person. If I had questions about why two women were holding hands, or why that man was wearing a funny hat on his head, they would explain it to me in the least judgmental and biased way possible, I think the aspect of religion to my parents was purely more of a cultural and heritage thing than an actual major factor in everyday life to them.

It makes me pretty glad too that Metro Vancouver has moved well beyond the days of the Lord's Day Act and prayer being done in Public Schools, just as the same seems to be happening pretty fast now here in Edmonton, Alberta as well, with a rapidly increasing number of "free-thinking" parents and children entering the fray in both the Public and (oddly enough) Catholic school systems here, I think Alberta is not too far from turning the page as British Columbia did, even despite our long standing reputation of being a staunchly Conservative province.

Re: Any TV Is Too Much TV Under Two

the wahdad — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 03:00:18 -0000

My wife and I did not have a tv before we got married, somehow there never seemed time for it. When we started having children we got cable thinking it would be entertaining for them. This lasted all of three weeks and we cut it off because we were exhausted trying to monitor the ads.
However we did institute a weekly movie night during school and this stretches to three or four per week during vacation times. At least it did until the older boys became teenagers. That is a different kettle of fish altogether and we are still trying to work it out with them.
We think the primary purpose of times out for the children is for them to play. This can mean they sit quietly in a corner of the house somewhere reading a book or playing alone with some toys. Or they are out on the trampoline together or digging and building something in a corner of the yard. They can be drawing, painting, or at some craft. And sometimes they are helping me with yard work or a project for the house.
Sometimes they complain they are bored. I always point out, to their annoyance, that boredom is something they create and must remedy, not me or their mother. The older boys rarely come to me anymore with that complaint. When the younger ones do I go through the list of things they could be doing and when they, inevitably, say they don’t want to do any of them I tell them they are choosing to be bored then.
Mostly, though, they are agitating to watch movies. It amazes me how strong is their desire to watch the screen. We don’t have regular television stations so they are not following characters or a story. Often they will watch the same movie three or four days in a row if that is all that is available.
We experimented with letting them watch movies in the morning so we could have a 'lie-in' together. Some of them were very bad-tempered and badly behaved when the time came to stop watching and move on to other things. So we now have rule that TV watching only happens in late afternoon or after dinner, and that it does not happen every day.
They are able to live with these clear expectations. Once they know there is no chance of movies happening until later or the next day they move off and find things to occupy themselves. But they do regularly try to get us to change them “just this once.”
My impulse is to organize their lives along the lines I think are best for them based on my experience. But my parenting philosophy is that my job is to provide the opportunities and space to enable them to discover themselves. The former means more of me working out how they should spend their time, the latter means more of them. And fundamentally I believe it is my job to let them emerge rather than push them into being.

Re: Why I Started DadCAMP

the wahdad — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 02:03:48 -0000

Well you did ask....
1. I am married 16 years now and we have 4 children ranged from 1st grade to 8th grade, now moving 2nd to 9th. I would describe myself as happily married. When I met my wife something wonderful happened for me. I became imbued with a certainty that life is more than a series of arbitrary experiences, that if you have faith in the process of life it will bring to where you need to be, that there is someone in the world that is your life’s partner.
It was a gift I got that flooded meaning and significance back into my life.
I have tried to be grateful for it ever since although I make no claims as to the success of that. It fired me up for the next 20 or so years. In that time we have done wonderful things, had amazing experiences, and seen the miraculous (like all our children being born problem-free).
However, times have come when many things in my life seem to be at a crossroads. I am full of questions again. The second half of my life lies before me. I feel like I have seen everything the world has to offer or enough of it for the rest to be different but not new. The thrill of the new does not drive me anything like as much as it used to. My hair is beginning to gray, I need glasses to read, the pounds don’t come off as easily, successes in my career are not as significant as they once seemed.
I need a new myth of living. I am not religious so that side of things is not for me. But meaning is critical. Life has to have meaning, at least for me, or else it is meaningless and everything is equal. I don’t mind being in the dark as long as I feel that life is on the way to some kind of illumination.
One of the goals of this blog is to ask questions out loud so I don’t forget or avoid them; to live the questions. If an answer comes, well and good. If not, at least I am not avoiding the questions that drive my inner life and outer responses; I am facing the real things of my life. And if answers never come… then that is an answer.
2. I want to leave a trace for my children to get some insight into what it was like trying to be a father to them, when they are of an age to read this. If I get it right they will have a laugh more times than not, going “Yeah, remember that”, or “That was something I really liked”, or not feel so alone some time when they are in the middle of a problem.
Right now is a pretty tough time for me and I am letting it impact my relationship with them. I am grumpier and more volatile than usual. I don’t think this is excusable but a record of my experience may help them when their time comes to go through bouts like this.
I had no insight into my father’s thinking or feeling. I have come up with many rationalizations for his behavior ranging from the noble – stoical, quietist; to the compassionate – no time, training, example, or education; to the selfish – unfeeling, immature. But they are only my guesses. He is dead now and I can never know.
If my children read this at any point it will give them a window into their Dad and, hopefully, some records worth keeping of our time together.
3. There is a certain time of life where nothing is new anymore. What is to come appears like a copy of what has been. Responsibilities feel like a ball and chain rather than something to accomplish. And other than fulfilling those responsibilities it is difficult to imagine what else there will be.
I know there are people for whom this is not an issue at all. They are moving through their lives with an unquestionable direction and certainty. So my blog will not mean anything to them. There will be others for whom this type of scrutiny will seem self-indulgent, and more that will get angry about examining life in this way. And my blog is not for them either.
I know I am in this time of life. This is not a matter of philosophy. You see that guy looking a bit lost as he drops his kids off at school because work has dried up for him? You see the guy sometimes looking distraught as he contemplates his grocery bill? You see the guy sitting quietly with an air of depression and disappointment about him? You see the guy having a furtive smoke because he has taken it up again? All of these guys are me, that is what I mean.
I think the economic depression has revealed this quandary, not created it. I can’t bury myself in work to forget the nagging questions. I can’t make more money to buy things that will help me forget these questions. I can’t jog or cycle the questions away either.
And I know that I am not alone, at least not completely. Just recently an acquaintance of ours despaired and checked out, overwhelmed by the details of his life. I believe it was him losing hope in finding an answer that would get him through this stage and on to the next. This blog is also a reaction to that catastrophic event.
4. I want to shout out for fathers, for Dads. I want to celebrate what it is to be the father of some of the next generation. Not lists of advice on how to…, things to…, what Dads should…, etc., just good things that happen being a Dad.
5. I have a long way to go to become the husband and father I think I can be. I want to see if paying some dedicated attention every day to the process will result in improvement.

Re: Kids Change Things

WriterWriter — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 10:31:42 -0000

No matter how old they are, that instinct to protect does not change; as they grow and become independent, one just learns to chomp down on that instinct to keep it either in check or relegated to some distant, locked-away part of the brain where it can't overwhelm every minute - in my case anyway - my children are out of my sight.

My daughters are 21, 23 and 26. They all drive and they all have friends (many of whom I do not know); one lives in another city. As I write this, two are visiting relative in Texas and apparently, as they posted on Facebook, learning how to shoot. Guns. In Texas.

I don't worry about them exactly but even now, the idea that they could be hurt or that someone could hurt them instantly wakes a very large and protective - murderous if it became necessary -mother bear.

Re: Giving Your Kids Character Without Characters

Aisling_HkyMom — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 21:39:16 -0000

Was thinking about this post last weekend when we were camping. Saw a dad bring his son to the pool. The boy was decked head to toe in Spiderman gear. Swimsuit, lifejacket, swimshoes and yes, even his towel.

Re: Any TV Is Too Much TV Under Two

jenny — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:54:55 -0000

32 hours?? that's alot more than I watch. Having said that, I was parenting solo this week witha very ill 2 year old and I think she watched Finding Nemo A LOT. I was grateful to have it to be honest. very very grateful.

Re: Any TV Is Too Much TV Under Two

jaypiddy — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 10:54:19 -0000

We did the Baby Einstein videos...I never really bought into the fact that our son was doing any learn'in. It was a pacifier and we knew that. We just chose to have one that was mellow and entertained quietly. The most important thing about TV and other screens comes down to the quality time spent with your child. Connect at a deep level on a regular basis and everything will work out fine. Too many parents just plunk the kids down for hours in front of a screen and spend very little time actively engaging them. To be honest our son much preferred Pee Wee's playhouse and yes he did watch them before the age of 4.

Re: Any TV Is Too Much TV Under Two

Katerina — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 10:00:11 -0000

zero screen time is possible if you choose not to watch any tv yourself or have a computer at home....as you can see I have a computer, which means my kid gets screen time. We use skype to talk to all the grandparents (as we live overseas). It is interactive screen time. We also watch Baby Einstein max 30 min a day. I don't think that Baby Einstein teaches our daughter more then we would, but it gives us a break and the show is at her speed. It is important that the timing of the show is slow. We play and go outside, massage, do flashcards, card and build...but even I need a minute to wash my hair and feel like a human. TV isn't great, but it is a modern day Grandpa. We used to have grandparents that lived with us and they simply held the child while we got things done. I don't know about you, but my parents live far away. I have no one to hold my child. TV is my modern day grandpa rocking the baby to sleep. If we try and be super parents...we will go super crazy.

PS: and we don't have cable (that helps our temptation a lot).

Re: Balancing Your Needs And Theirs

henderson — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 17:39:12 -0000

Have you seen this film? It gave me a new perspective on putting my son's needs first, even though his needs are not nearly as demanding as Rowan, the boy in the film, who suffers from autism.

http://www.horseboymovie.co...

Re: The “Other” Dad Camp

DadCAMP — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 20:35:56 -0000

A little blunt in your choice of words, Steve. I don't argue with your
idea for a show, and there is one similar in "16 and pregnant," but I
don't think I would have used the same concluding sentence as you.

My wife is adopted and after having two kids, my views on 'choice'
have softened a bit. Sure, choice should be allowed, just don't think
I could ever go there. The mother of my children wouldn't be here if
an Ontario teen years ago had made that choice.

bz.

http://www.buzzbishop.com

Re: The “Other” Dad Camp

RealConservative — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 20:27:47 -0000

What is really needed is a "Mom Camp" where these girls will get a dose of reality about having children with men who are not ready for the responsibility.

30 days should easily convince them that an abortion is the only correct decision. Finally a reality show that can guarantee a solution to the problem.

Re: Giving Your Kids Character Without Characters

Buzz Bishop — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 13:23:14 -0000

My world without characters includes NOT dressing your 3yr old like Lady Gaga http://seriouslyomg.com/?p=...

Re: His Name Is Zacharie, Not Zach.

AnthonyFloyd — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 10:27:31 -0000

Used to drive my mother nuts too. "His name is *Anthony*, not _Tony_. She was mocked mercilessly for it. At any rate, it doesn't bug me any -- nor will it particularly bother me if people shorten my kids' names. However, it does seem that out of respect and common consideration (which seems to be generally lacking, I know) that you should call people (kids or not) by however they identify themselves. In a few years, if you introduced Zacharie to some people and he said "Hi, I'm Zach" which way would you rather people address him?

Re: His Name Is Zacharie, Not Zach.

Derek K. Miller — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 01:16:08 -0000

You're fighting a losing battle. While you can correct adults if you want, as your kids get older their peers will shorten their names whether you or they like it or not -- or may create other nicknames over which you and your sons have no control. They may do it to each other. Feel lucky if you just get a "Chuck" and "Zack" out of it.

While you can't avoid unrelated nicknames, probably the only way to prevent shortening entirely is to give your kids difficult-to-shorten names. Like, I dunno, Buzz. Otherwise in the medium term you and they will probably have to live with shortened names, until they're adults and choose to enforce the full versions themselves. Or not. They may like it, or even choose to be called by their middle names.

Re: His Name Is Zacharie, Not Zach.

Buzz Bishop — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:59:16 -0000

Yes, if Zacharie wants Zach when he's in school - fine. And my apologies, I do believe I've gone Finn on your boy in the past.

Re: His Name Is Zacharie, Not Zach.

jenny — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:25:22 -0000

Finnegan gets called Finn ALOT. He jumps in and corrects them every time, before we would even have a chance. His sister calls him Fingy and he never corrects her, and his preschool assistant calls him Finny and he allows her. I think he will lead the way on this...it's HIS name after all!

Re: Giving Your Kids Character Without Characters

Buzz Bishop — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:58:58 -0000

I saw some GREAT Beatles artwork at HomeSense this week .. was VERY tempted to pick it up for Z's room. His favorite song is still Yellow Submarine.

Beatles > Wiggles.

Re: Giving Your Kids Character Without Characters

Buzz Bishop — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:58:06 -0000

Thanks for your comments, Jenny. The point of the post wasnt to judge anyone on what they do, more to start the conversation based on my own take on things.

Personally, I think parents exposing their kids to characters too early just leads to a huge outlay of money or overhyped merchandise. But, if that's the way you want to raise your kids - go ahead, they're your kids.

Re: Don’t Have Stay At Home Kids

jenny — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 01:11:47 -0000

I have always called myself a Stay at Home Mom who doesn't stay at home. Can't do it....I'd get too stir crazy!

Re: Giving Your Kids Character Without Characters

jenny — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 01:08:07 -0000

I would like to add that I don't judge people for buying the stuff. we all love our kids and that's what makes them amazing....our kids and their kids and your kids will all turn out ok. characters aren't a make em or break em in my mind!

Re: Giving Your Kids Character Without Characters

jenny — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 01:05:11 -0000

STOP reading this and go watch the documentary "How the kids took over" . It has been really easy for us to keep our kids away from most characters. Buy no-name diapers (or use cloth). Buy books you loved as a kid. eat at home. hide hide hide and it still sneaks in. Our 4 year old was playing restaurant the other day and he said he could only make burgers. what kind of restaurant is this?? he replied it's Old Macdonalds restaurant from the Olympics (yes we got cable for the Olympics). he sees the neighbours sword fighting with lightsabres in the park and asked one of them what they were playing. he misunderstood the answer and now thinks they are some pollution-fighters squad with "lightsavers". Not to mention that at Halloween he saw a lot of kids dressed as Transfarmers. I NEVER correct him, I adore the idea of transfarmers...cars that transform into carrots??? now that's cool. So while our kids are not consumers of more plastic figurines etc, it is very hard for me as a mom not to feel polarized. I am considered some conspiracy theorist, granola crunching, holier than though freak to my Dora lovin' peers! Even before I had kids I never shopped at Costco and Walmart - one of the main reasons is I can't afford to shop there - the crap in Walmart is so cheap that I'd buy it. So I don't go in at all...ever. want free toys?get inspired online then walk out your door to the nearest park and make em! pine cones make awesome Fisher Price Little People. a few bits of felt and they are dressed!. Rocks in an old tin is instant pot of soup/stew. the list goes on and on.

Re: Giving Your Kids Character Without Characters

Derek K. Miller — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 20:16:27 -0000

Our kids didn't get too wrapped up in character commercialization, though we did have a Teletubbies poster on the fridge, and we took them to see The Wiggles (original lineup!) and Blue's Clues in concert. Oh, and the Ernie and Bert lamp cover in my daughter's bedroom, but I bought that before she was even born.

But the house wasn't festooned with the stuff. Now my oldest has plastered her room with posters, though -- of The Beatles. I can live with that.

Re: Car Rental? Bring Your Car Seat

seat rentals manila — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:37:02 -0000

Having your precious child with you while on the road feels uneasy and you just like worrying every time. But you have to pray and drive defensively to be safe.

Re: Car Rental? Bring Your Car Seat

seat rentals makati — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:00:16 -0000

Agree, so you won't be hassle anymore!